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Stupid Quotes

"Here lies Captain Ernest Bloomfield. Accidentally shot by his orderly, March 2nd 1879. Well done, good and faithful servant."
    - grave inscription of British soldier, in northwest frontier of modern-day Pakistan.
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"Here lies Jan Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars."
    - epitaph composed by a marble cutter.
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"I want to gain 1,500 or 2,000 yards, whichever comes first."
     - George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back.
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"Our first move will be to decide what our first move will be."
     - Wellington Mara, New York Giants president.
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"Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating."
     - Ron Fairly, San Francisco Giants broadcaster.
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"He's trying to take the decision out of the hands of twelve honest men and give it to 435 Congressman!"
    - Representative Charles Vanik of Ohio.
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"Benedict may not be hurt as much as he really is."
     - Jerry Coleman, announcer for the San Diego Padres.
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"Bruce Sutter has been around for a while and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is."
     - Ron Fairly, San Francisco Giants broadcaster.
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Yogi Berra: "You mean you get seasick?"
Rube Walker: "Do I ever!"
Yogi Berra: "On water?"
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"In no way is it possible for a person to be in two places at the same time, especially if there is a great distance in between."
     - Judge Amado Guerrero, Mexican Tenth District Federal Court.
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"I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio."
     - President Gerald Ford.
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"I read part of it all the way through."
    - movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn.
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"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left."
    - Gallagher, comedian